I hurt. I hurt so much. I can't trust anyone and never could. Trusting people is dangerous. At least it is for me. I'm going in spirals again ; happiness, sadness, anger. Then that stupid feeling of loneliness that has been there all my life. I'm a loner naturally but sometimes a little company can be good. Although then there is the problem of not actually speaking to them. Of not being ABLE to speak in case something totally random or stupid comes out that makes everyone look at you like 'what the hell are you on about' The other feelings I can't talk about. Not here.
I'm also quite pissed about moving tomorrow because I wanted to stay longer in Nelson but oh well. The move will be good for me. I can cook random food again, no having to have dinner at a specific time if I don't want to. I'm looking forward to the solitude but also dreading it. I know living above the games room might be noisy but it's better than being bitched at behind your back , or RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Argh. I am quite up and down today.
The world is silent now. I feel like writing some of my book. Maybe I will, maybe I'll procrastinate. Or think some more. Thinking is good. Although because of my book's 'violence' I might have people on my back. But whatever. It's all good. At least I pretend it is.
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